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Is it possible to love a second child?

Dear Thing Two,

Today is your 14th birthday. My, how the time has flown!

As I was reflecting upon your birthday, I remembered a conversation I had with a former co-worker many years ago. Her first child was nearing his second birthday and someone asked her if she planned to have another baby. Her answer: I don’t think so.

I don’t think I could love another child the way I love this one.

That statement stuck with me for years. It stuck with me while I was pregnant with your brother. And even through his first few years.

How could I possibly love another person the way I loved Eric? My heart would seem to burst with love for him.

And then he was two.

We began to ponder adding to our family. Your dad was an only child. I had a sister.

As much as I loved your brother, I couldn’t imagine raising him without a sibling.

My sister and I have a deep connection with one another. Sure, we haven’t always (and still don’t sometimes) see eye to eye on things, but she is the closest thing I have to another version of myself. She was my first friend. She questions. She supports. And gives of herself.

I cannot imagine my life without her.

And so, I took the leap to give you a sibling.

But while I was pregnant with you, I was haunted by the words of my co-worker: I don’t think I could love another child the way I love this one. 

It worried me.

only love can be divided endlessly and still not diminish

I didn’t know how my heart could divide.

I didn’t know how my heart could portion out the love inside.

I didn’t know how I could pull love back from him to give to you.

Before I knew it, you were in my arms.

And then I understood.

I didn’t have to divide my heart at all.

I didn’t have to portion my love.

I didn’t have to pull back one ounce of love for your brother.

I loved you both with my whole heart.

And that’s how love is. It simply multiplies.

Happy Birthday!

xoxo,

Mama

 

Photo Credit: petipapga on Sxc.hu

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{ 19 comments… add one }

  • WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion June 24, 2013, 9:50 am

    I have a hankerin’ for Baby #3, and despite understanding that love multiplies, I still have these fears/thoughts. Great timing with this post, at least for little ol’ me! xo
    WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion recently posted..Mommy, Am I Going to Heaven?

    • RChicken June 25, 2013, 10:08 am

      Glad the timing was good. It never ceases to amaze me that love can know no bounds. Good luck with your decision :)

  • Jackie June 24, 2013, 10:49 am

    I have 4 kids and each one of them is special to me and I love them all equally. I will say that there are days that they test me but at the end of the day I will always love them no matter what.
    Besides… there is always room for love!
    Jackie recently posted..Super Clean with #MyPlatinum

    • RChicken June 25, 2013, 10:08 am

      You’re so right…there is ALWAYS room for love.

  • Ilene June 24, 2013, 11:43 am

    Love Love Love this post. I had the exact same feeling when I was pregnant with my second child. And as you say, the heart divides endlessly. Happy birthday to your son!
    Ilene recently posted..The Wall

    • RChicken June 25, 2013, 10:09 am

      Thank you! Jason said he had a lovely birthday.

  • Jenni Chiu @MommyNaniBooboo June 24, 2013, 11:53 am

    I remember having these same thoughts…
    Amazing the way love can multiply.
    Happy Birthday to Thing Two.
    Jenni Chiu @MommyNaniBooboo recently posted..Introducing: Everybody’s Jenni

    • RChicken June 25, 2013, 10:10 am

      Thank you, Jenni! Now that I’ve shared this, it’s amazing how many of us had the same thoughts. It’s wonderful to know that we all discovered the same truth: the love will expand to surround all of one’s children.

  • Little Miss Wordy June 24, 2013, 5:59 pm

    I think that thought crosses most parents’ minds if only for a fleeting moment. The beauty is we have so much love to give it isn’t limitless, and once the next child comes comes into our life we don’t even remember why we worried about that to begin with. :-) Sweet post!

    • RChicken June 25, 2013, 10:11 am

      Exactly! It’s so natural to love them both completely. I don’t know why I ever doubted my heart.

  • Cam | Bibs and Baubles June 24, 2013, 7:20 pm

    Very sweet post! I went through the exact thing. I was stressed about how my son would feel and how I would love another child as I love him. As you said, love truly just multiplies. Amazing and Beautiful.
    Cam | Bibs and Baubles recently posted..Summer Plans: What you got?

    • RChicken June 25, 2013, 10:12 am

      I just couldn’t imagine loving another human being so completely, so intensely. But I did. And I still do.

  • Deana June 25, 2013, 7:40 am

    I remember asking myself that question for the whole nine months I was pregnant with my second child. It’s amazing how that works out. Happy birthday to your youngest baby.

    • RChicken June 25, 2013, 10:12 am

      And isn’t it strange how quickly the worry dissipates the moment that child is in our arms?

  • Kathy at kissing the frog June 27, 2013, 9:49 am

    I think you know how I feel about this. There was no way I was going to love another baby after I lost Joey and I had my three other boys. But Baby E came along, and dammit, he just stole my heart right from my chest. I think we can love more and more deeply because the first one(s) have taught us how. Your boys are lucky to have you!
    Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..A New Name for Baby E

  • Cassie June 29, 2013, 9:48 am

    Thank you for sharing this. I needed this. These are my exact thoughts, as I am 18 weeks pregnant with my second child, and my daughter is 21 months old. Everyone tells me I will be so much in love with my second child as I am with my first, but it just doesn’t seem fathomable yet.
    Cassie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Big Sister In Training

    • RChicken June 29, 2013, 9:59 am

      I promise you, you will love that child — as deeply and completely as you love your daughter. And congratulations! Sending all kinds of positive thoughts your way as you grow another unique and amazing human being :)

  • Heidi @ love each step June 29, 2013, 12:22 pm

    I think we all struggle with this and just as you and we all discover, our heart’s magnitude for love is endless. What a lovely birthday post!
    Heidi @ love each step recently posted..Lived In

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