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I will find happy

breathe appreciate embrace Some days I feel like I’m making progress in my life learning to breathe, embrace and appreciate.

Some days I don’t.

This month has had ups and downs much like any other month.

The biggest up was my birthday — a beautiful spring day full of light and love and joy. I embraced the beginning of my 44th year. I appreciated the good wishes on Facebook, the blessings of friendship, and being spoiled rotten by my boys. I took time to breathe. It was a blissful day.

I have worked hard to reduce my obligations in the evenings in order to breathe more freely on days other than my birthday. I spent time volunteering at Thing One’s school — giving back and connecting with that community adds substance to my life. I set aside a couple of evenings with Thing Two watching basketball during the NCAA tournament. It’s time together well spent — we’re making memories and I love every minute. I enjoyed an evening with friends sharing a bottle of wine, a plate of cheese and delicious conversation.

The biggest down of this month has been my job — I still love it, but struggle with too much on my plate and an unwillingness to only do mediocre work. I had been hoping for an important change for next year, and last week discovered that the change will not be coming. Not next year. And apparently, no time in the near future.

During the past week, I’ve gone from hope to disappointment to anger and frustration then back to resignation and acceptance.

I have struggled hard in appreciation of my work. But the truth of the matter is, I cannot imagine spending my days doing anything different. At this time of my life, at least, THIS is what I know I should be doing.

But in the end, I look at what I get to do each day, even if it’s more than I can ever hope to achieve, and I must learn to appreciate where I am. I have a good job, that I generally enjoy, with a reliable salary, and while the difference I make seems small each day, at least it’s a difference.

As I move forward into April, my gratitude journal is getting dusted off. Happiness lies in appreciating what I have and where I am.

I will find happy.

I will appreciate.

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{ 7 comments… add one }

  • Kathy at kissing the frog March 25, 2013, 8:24 am

    You’re absolutely right – some days it is harder to appreciate what you have than others, and other days it seems as if nothing in life is making me happy. But it’s all about looking for it, I think. Learning to see it. A gratitude journal is an excellent idea!
    Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..A Whole Different Ballgame or The Post in Which I Use the “V” Word … A LOT

    • RChicken March 25, 2013, 8:44 pm

      I think I’ll keep it IN my bed — on top of my sleeping pillow. Then I’ll see it every night when I crawl in..and if I haven’t written in it, I will.

  • Amy March 25, 2013, 8:59 pm

    Thank you for sharing such intimate moments of your life. You’re teaching me more than you know! I am happy for you and the boys. Squish.

    • RChicken March 25, 2013, 9:06 pm

      Friends like you give me the courage to be myself. You may never know what an amazing gift that is…but you offer it, and I accept every single time you allow me to be me and you to be you. I’m blessed to have you in my life. (And you’re always welcome at my book fair!)

  • Candice March 25, 2013, 9:21 pm

    Hang in there. I am always waiting for you to return to your home. We make a great team! I <3 You!

    • RChicken March 25, 2013, 9:23 pm

      Every day I appreciate how you make me look like a rock star. We are a great team….thanks for having my back. And my lunch. And even my coffee ;)

  • aka Laverne March 26, 2013, 7:51 am

    I think we, as woman often forget to do the things that fill us up. It’s so easy for us to let others take priority. Also those times set aside for a specific child are ever so important. Some of my fondest memories are things i did with just me ad my dad. You are ever so wise. I also feel your pain with your job. It is so very painful when you love…LOVE. What you do but you are pulled in so many directions and have so many responsibilities that you can only do a mediocre job and then find yourself telling yourself that you are going to have to be ok with that because it is the best you can do…but it is stressful and still doesn’t feel ok. It is even worse when it feels as if the change you desperately need is not valued. Maybe change will suprise you and come in a different form…unexpected. Our struggle really hits me deeply. I so so soooooo can relate. XOXOXXO
    aka Laverne recently posted..Donning My Shield

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