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I will find happy

breathe appreciate embrace Some days I feel like I’m making progress in my life learning to breathe, embrace and appreciate.

Some days I don’t.

This month has had ups and downs much like any other month.

The biggest up was my birthday — a beautiful spring day full of light and love and joy. I embraced the beginning of my 44th year. I appreciated the good wishes on Facebook, the blessings of friendship, and being spoiled rotten by my boys. I took time to breathe. It was a blissful day.

I have worked hard to reduce my obligations in the evenings in order to breathe more freely on days other than my birthday. I spent time volunteering at Thing One’s school — giving back and connecting with that community adds substance to my life. I set aside a couple of evenings with Thing Two watching basketball during the NCAA tournament. It’s time together well spent — we’re making memories and I love every minute. I enjoyed an evening with friends sharing a bottle of wine, a plate of cheese and delicious conversation.

The biggest down of this month has been my job — I still love it, but struggle with too much on my plate and an unwillingness to only do mediocre work. I had been hoping for an important change for next year, and last week discovered that the change will not be coming. Not next year. And apparently, no time in the near future.

During the past week, I’ve gone from hope to disappointment to anger and frustration then back to resignation and acceptance.

I have struggled hard in appreciation of my work. But the truth of the matter is, I cannot imagine spending my days doing anything different. At this time of my life, at least, THIS is what I know I should be doing.

But in the end, I look at what I get to do each day, even if it’s more than I can ever hope to achieve, and I must learn to appreciate where I am. I have a good job, that I generally enjoy, with a reliable salary, and while the difference I make seems small each day, at least it’s a difference.

As I move forward into April, my gratitude journal is getting dusted off. Happiness lies in appreciating what I have and where I am.

I will find happy.

I will appreciate.

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