Top 5 Clues You Watch too Much Downton Abbey

Two weeks ago, I had barely heard of Downton Abbey.

Yes, I realize that means I’ve been living under a rock for two years.

That rock has an address, with a mortgage, a couple of kids inside, and a couple of jobs outside. Who has time for real television?

But the excitement of the new season was in the air, and people whose opinions I trust were gaga over Downton Abbey.

I thought I’d catch up online a bit before the season premiere last Sunday.

Oh, no. All you can get to online is a 5-minute lightning fast synopsis. I’d have to watch it in slow motion and even then repeat it a dozen times until I would have the faintest idea of the plot.

Watch Downton Abbey: Official Seasons 1 & 2 Recap on PBS. See more from Masterpiece.

I did, however, find it in its entirety on Hulu Plus, and using the “free week” subscription, managed to watch an entire two years of the series in less than a week.

I can tell you, there are consequences to watching 18 hours of one single television series in a seven day week. Um…for you math whizzes, that means I spent just over 10% of my week glued to my iPad watching fictional aristocrats and their devoted servants.

Which clearly means I did no laundry and dusted nothing.

Allow me to provide you with some cautionary advice: These are the top 5 clues you watch too much Downton Abbey.

1 – The voice in your head has a distinctly British accent with which “Thank you” now sounds like “Than Kyou.”

2 – You respond to the most dreadful bits of news with barely a raised left eyebrow.

3 – You stand with your arms down and slightly back when you get in your bedroom. But no one comes to remove your jacket. You curse the poor sap. Insisting that you must fire that valet and hire yourself a new one. And then you realize that YOU are your own valet.

4 – You only purchase shoes that make the proper click-clack noise on the floor.

and perhaps most alarming of all

5 - You start referring to your mother as the Dowager Countess.

Take it from me, Downton Abbey is worth watching, but be warned: too much at once can have unintended consequences.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have the episode from Sunday night to watch, and then I’ll be all caught up with the rest of you.