Recently, I reconnected with a man I had dated last summer for a few weeks.
I’ve been trying to embrace my life in 2013, so when he sent me a text on Christmas, I thought to myself, “Well, if I’m am truly to embrace opportunities, perhaps I should see him again.”
And I did.
Just like last time, I remember thinking he was cute. He is as nice as they come. He is a gentleman. He is kind. He has friends. He has a job.
Sounds amazing, right?
He is. But there is zero chemistry on my end.
I’ve never believed that you have to feel a lightning bolt when you look at your future mate across the room for the first time.
I know enough to know that real compatibility is a much subtler feeling, less of a zing and more of a warm fuzzy.
I felt neither the zing nor the warm fuzzy.
And so I tried to gently let him go. It started with, “I really like you, but…”
He’s hurt.
I feel bad.
But not as bad as I would feel continuing to lead him on, allowing him to believe that we have a budding romance. We do not.
And I’d rather be alone than with someone I don’t really want to be with.
If that makes me a future cat lady, then I guess I have to live with that.
Start saving your cat food coupons for me.
Photo credit: Kaniths
Photo edit: RCM 2013
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Nothing wrong with being a future cat lady. I would rather spend time with my cats than some of my ex’s!
Veronica recently posted..Mittens The Destroyer
Amen! (Although I’m definitely more of a dog person
)
Hmm… I doubt you’ll be that cat lady. And I know this because my daughter has decided that is her calling in life… she has taken that title and job.
Jackie recently posted..Monday Menu ~ Cranberry Orange Scones
She can’t possibly be old enough to have given up yet?
You know, so many people would stay in it, for selfish reasons. They want to be with SOMEONE, he’s “nice enough”, they see that he’d be good to them, or they’d take advantage of that. I am willing to bet one of the reasons he is hurt is because he likes you so much for the very reasons you are letting him go–you are sincere, thoughtful, selfless. Though you are hurting him, at least it’s for virtuous reasons. You’re being true to yourself AND to him. He’s not going to be the only man to see these qualities about you.
Nicole recently posted..Dear Academia: An Open Letter
Thanks, Nicole! I hadn’t thought of it quite that way, but I hope you’re right
I think you’re doing the right thing. And I agree it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. There’s no happiness there. I believe you’ll find someone with whom you’ll feel that spark!!
Teri recently posted..Real Stars vs. Fake Stars
I know that I will. I also know that I am willing to wait for something truly genuine.
I agree with the saying. I think that you can be miserable with the wrong person. Even if you’re alone, you only have to worry about yourself and your happiness. Sometimes that’s much easier.
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..How to Sleep-Train A Toddler in 30 Easy Steps
I felt so much better after letting him go. Like if I had kept him stringing along, I wasn’t being authentic. There will be one someday that I don’t want to let go. I believe that!
I know so many people who are so terrified of being alone that they stay with someone even though there are no feelings of attraction. I believe it really does a disservice to the other person. They deserve to be with someone who truly cares for them as a person, not just company.
I think you did a good thing. And like someone else said, he’s probably hurt because you are a sincere and honest person, and therefore quite the catch!
Kristen recently posted..How to fail an exam
It would have been terrible to continue dating him just so I would have someone to go out with. I hope he sees that, eventually.
I don’t have any coupons, but I’ll totally cat sit for you. I can list references.
Classic NYer recently posted..On impromptu cat-sitting
Sweet! That’s one more thing off my to do list (finding a cat sitter for a gazillion cats is harder than one might think!)