The last month has been an emotional roller coaster for me.
Thing One turned 16, passed his driver’s license test, and now has a car.
Thing Two turned 13, spends more time with his iPhone than with me, and can now have a Facebook.
I’m feeling older than dirt.
And scared. Terrified that I won’t know who I am when they are gone.
Call it Empty Nest Syndrome IN ADVANCE.
Sigh.
But as I was mowing in the heat this week, I happened upon the most beautiful little blue robin’s egg.
That discovery caused me to ponder…
Barring any circumstances such as a medical diagnosis or tragic accident, if my children don’t grow up, then I haven’t done my job.
If Thing One would be complacent to sit on my couch until he’s 40 eating Cheetos and taking turns staring at his belly button and then the TV, I would not have done my job as a parent.
So the fact that he is ambitiously searching for a new job, independently running errands, and crafting a life for himself, is evidence that I have been a successful parent.
If Thing Two wanted to cling to my legs in every social situation rather than striking out on his own and carrying conversations with new friends, and chose to hibernate in his room playing Xbox until his 40th birthday, I would have failed.
The fact that he’s self-assured, able to entertain himself and beginning to have interests in his life that I have no part of, is evidence that he’s on his way to successfully arriving at adulthood.
As painful as it is, I must face facts: I want them to leave someday.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh how true this is! I always thought I wanted a little one who would be a little “be by” and shyly cling to me, but I love how independent and strong my boys are. I love how they can explore and occupy themselves and engage in conversation with people. It’s even better to see them using manners and being polite and kind. Then I really know I’ve done my job!
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..This Mama’s Heart
It’s so true…while I loved the fact that they clung to me, really NEEDED me, the pride I feel when they don’t need me is powerful too
I know that they have to leave. One day. And when they do, it means I’m raising them well. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna like it. Not one bit.
MommaKiss recently posted..we are family
I hate it. Every bit of it. But when I consider the alternative…I bite my tongue and let them grow. It’s the only way, really.
Raising kids. I’m pregnant on my 4th month now, and the thought of this happening someday crushes my heart. Even though I know that there’s much more to this.
It crushes my heart too. Until I think about Cheeto crumbs in my couch when Thing One is 40. And then I celebrate the fact that he’ll be putting Cheeto crumbs in his OWN couch in his OWN place and cleaning them or not cleaning them with his OWN vacuum. Somehow that makes it okay
So much of who I am is tied into my kids’ needs so the thought of being single and and empty-nester is a little scary. I am sure I will be fine, but there are moments this thought terrifies me.
Thanks for this perspective.
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted..Exorcising the Elephant
I think that’s the terrifying part: so much of who I am is wrapped directly up in them. And when they’re gone, who will I be?
Glad you stopped by
xoxo
Hi, we meet again, I’m popping over from SITS so this is a nice surprise. How is it going with the e-thank you cards?
My two are still very young 1yr and 3 yrs but I’m already seeing my 3 yr old striving for independance. I know that the day will come when they’ll leave the nest and it’s scary. So I’ll enjoy them even on the crazy days and hope that, they’ll always have a special place in their hearts for me.
Thanks for sharing, have a lovely weekend.
Gillian recently posted..Lexan Fletcher on Pregnancy and Life Work Balance
We wrote a Word document and inserted photos of the boys holding the gift they bought with their bday money. Then they added a bit of personalization to each letter. So far, we’ve had a very positive response from everyone!
And enjoy every crazy lovely moment with them when they’re small
They grow up WAY too fast!
I cringe thinking about empty nests! Thankfully, considering the age range of our children, we will probably never be completely empty….and by the time the last one leaves there should be (several) grandchildren around! But I still have mixed emotions about the growing up, and impending moving out, of my oldest few:(
Michelle
http://normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com/2012/07/gift-of-life.html
Just the idea of them doing their own everything makes me sad. Their own laundry, their own cooking, their own jobs. *sniff*
How beautiful! I think my parents learned this at some point too, because although they were terribly sad to see me leave for university, they never resented me for it.
Visiting via SITS Sharefest
BarefootMedStudent recently posted..Video: You Are So Beautiful
I will have to take many deep breaths to make sure that I just let them go with grace. Thanks for stopping by
My 3 year old was just talking about what he wants to be when he grows up last night. He said, “And when I’m an astronaut, I won’t live in your house anymore. I’ll have my own house, and I’ll also live on the space shuttle.” Even at a young age, he understands that he won’t live with me forever. Stopping by from SITS!
Jenny @ Creatively Blooming recently posted..Garrapata State Park & Angels
Ah, but think of the vacations you could have when you go to visit him
(Wiping Tears!) I so feel your pain! I have one out of the house already, one starting high school in the fall and the baby starting 5th grade. Sometimes I come home from work and no one is around until dark and it makes me so sad & lonely! But like you I am grateful that they are spreading their wings and developing their own personalities and interests. I figured it was time for me to do the same
Tina recently posted..Enduring Public Humiliation
You’re right. As they grow, we can enhance our own lives by spreading our wings. Great way to look at it
Oh my, I have been struggling with the same thing! My oldest turns 15 next month and is furiously looking to save money for his dream car. My youngest turns 14 the week after that, and life is but a social dream for him. They are with their father this month, for the first summer after the divorce, and my youngest said, “If this is hard, what are you gonna do when we go off to college?” Well, dear, what kind of question is that? Obviously, I’m going with you.
StrongerMe recently posted..I love-hate Facebook
Of course we’re going with them to college
How else will we make sure that they behave? *grin*
So glad you found my blog. I spent some time on yours this afternoon too. I think we have TONS in common…