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The lies I tell myself

tell me no lies I so wish I could stand here (or sit) and tell you that I don’t lie.

Except that I generally don’t.

To other people.

But I lie to myself ALL the time.

Which is odd because the immediate reaction to a lie from myself should be an indignant, “Oh, no you don’t, Missy…come back here and tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth!”

[I think it's an inner battle between Trixie and Grace. Grace tries to get me to do what I'm supposed to do and Trixie sabotages every attempt.]

It has gotten to the point where I even KNOW I’m lying and just don’t give a rat’s patootie.

Some of the humdingers are:

  • I WILL lose 20/40/52 pounds.  Trixie’s voice in my head: No, you won’t…you’re just saying that you want to…and, sure, you’ll craft some elaborate exercise and diet plan, but you won’t actually follow through and do it. It’s too hard. It requires giving up Trader Joe’s Jo Jo’s and eating nothing but rabbit food. You don’t want THAT kind of life, do you?
  • I WILL save my next raise. For an entire year. Trixie’s voice in my head: No, you won’t…you’re just saying that you want to…once that money hits the direct deposit on the checking account, you’ll be out buying new clothes or more perennials or something…being responsible with money isn’t your strong suit, Sister. 
  • He can’t possibly want to date ME. Trixie’s voice in my head: You know that weight you wanted to lose? It’s in the way. What man in his right mind would want to date YOU? You’re better off here at home eating Jo Jo’s on the couch. 

Hey, Trixie — SHUT UP.

I know my historical pattern seems to mirror what you’re saying, but why can’t I change?

What’s stopping me?

Oh, I know — YOU. You’re a nagging doubt in my otherwise convinced mind. YOU. You’re the one who talks me into eating Jo Jo’s and spending money on yet another beautiful purple flower for around the front fountain. YOU. You’re the one who wants to hold me back from finding a really great guy because YOU are afraid. YOU are insecure. YOU are irresponsible.

Not me.

So, shut it, Sister.

Whew. I feel better! Thanks to Mama Kat for helping me put my inner brat in her place for a while.

mama kats writing workshop

{ 19 comments… add one }

  • betsy May 3, 2012, 7:40 am

    Yeah, you should definitely let Grace have more say! She sounds like a better influence!
    betsy recently posted..Modified Mother’s Day

  • Dionne May 3, 2012, 8:04 am

    Oh the lies we tell ourselves are the worst kind. Yes, let Grace speak more cause she is kinder and gentler and sounds like she isn’t so hard on you.
    Dionne recently posted..A Mother’s Day dream…

  • Gisselle May 3, 2012, 8:09 am

    You know, I can definitely relate to this and sometimes, I lie to myself.. Sometimes I lie more to myself than to other people..
    Gisselle recently posted..How To Treat Gout

  • Sarah May 3, 2012, 9:48 am

    Oh– I have a Trixie as well. What would happen if we all decided to dump our collective Trixies on a deserted island, I wonder…
    Sarah recently posted..Lies, Lies, Lies

  • CJ May 3, 2012, 11:06 am

    I have truth tattooed on my inner arm. I’ve made it a goal to never lie to other people….but oh, you so nailed me on lying to myself! I think that may be the NEXT step on my conquest of truthful living!!
    CJ recently posted..Writer’s Workshop: Those Things That Go Unnoticed

    • RChicken May 7, 2012, 7:45 pm

      I love that. I’m too chicken for a tattoo, but I may invest in a piece of jewelry with the right word on it.

  • Raine May 3, 2012, 1:24 pm

    Good for you! It is really hard when your own worst enemy is yourself. I lie to myself all the time, too. My lies include “You are not worth it”
    Raine recently posted..A More Comfortable Work Space

  • Jen O May 3, 2012, 7:53 pm

    What does it mean that I was planning on having a few Jo Jo’s tonight?

  • idiosyncratic eye May 4, 2012, 7:33 am

    Nice one! :)
    idiosyncratic eye recently posted..Trifecta: Thunder

  • Jackie May 4, 2012, 9:25 am

    I didn’t see Grace in there at all! She needs have her voice heard more often because I know that you can do all of those things if you put your mind to it!
    Jackie recently posted..Week in Review

  • Classic NYer May 4, 2012, 2:25 pm

    Your inner brat and my inner brat both need to be gagged and slapped silly.
    Classic NYer recently posted..Poetry Corner Friday: Rain

  • justkeepinitrealfolks May 5, 2012, 12:08 pm

    Grace needs to kick that b*tch Trixie to the curb!!!!!
    justkeepinitrealfolks recently posted..Weekend Wisecrack

    • RChicken May 7, 2012, 7:43 pm

      Grace is doing kickboxing classes on the kinect. Before long, she’ll show that brat Trixie where she can put her opinions.

  • Kat May 5, 2012, 11:13 pm

    Gah! I think we all have a Trixie. Kick her to the curb and maybe stop setting yourself up to fail. Don’t tell yourself you’re going to put your entire raise into savings…Tell yourself you’ll put x% in savings and have some fun with the rest. Believe me, a lot of us are fighting some of these same battles!
    Kat recently posted..This One Time…I Pooped My Pants

    • RChicken May 7, 2012, 7:42 pm

      I need some duct tape. Got any lying around? Trixie’s in the corner pouting, and I’d love to take the opportunity to get her mouth semi-permanently closed!

  • Joe May 6, 2012, 12:38 am

    Nicely- and efficiently-delivered. I’m inspired, but how to turn that into action…

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