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the DMV

Last week, after receiving my “more officially stamped than necessary” copy of my name change order from the courthouse, I decided once again to brave the inner sanctum of the DMV.

With trepidation.

Keep in mind that this is a place that proudly posts a sign that states: We refuse the right to refuse service to anyone acting in an irrational manner.

This week I’m hanging out at YeahWrite. Come on by to read some great stuff!

Midwest Mom: Most Wanted But who gets to define “irrational”?

Is it a stark raving madman who insists on paying his taxes nude?

A lunatic who wants a particular vanity tag for his fourth boat?

Or is it a frazzled mother of two who has had it up to the proverbial “here” with bureaucracy?

There’s no telling.

And it probably depends on the way that DMV worker’s day has gone.

The odds are not in my favor.

Nonetheless I resolved to be on my best behavior. I didn’t need a third trip to the DMV. If I misbehaved, they would probably figure out a way to put me on the Post Office bulletin board of the ten most wanted.

Having been dashed at my attempts at a driver’s license photo on a good hair day a couple of weeks back, I decided not to be so vain and to just get it over with.

But then I had a flashback to my passport photo.  In it, I look absolutely terrified.

Bad passport photo

So, I resolve NOT to look terrified. 

But then I worry that I’ll look seductive.

A come hither look isn’t appropriate for a driver’s license photo. Unless you plan to use some kind of diversionary tactic to evade a speeding ticket….Hmmm…that idea has some merit.

Then you realize that you have to show this picture to multitudes of  cashiers, school personnel, doctor’s office staff, and the like.

The sultry look loses its appeal when you realize that everyone and their dog will see your driver’s license picture.

Which leaves one with only two other options: friendly or mugshot.

I had decided to go with friendly. You know, a warm, genuine smile.  Which when analyzing the facets of my personality, seems to be the best fit. After all, I am not a terrorist or a porn star. I am simply a frazzled mother of two, who loves a decent glass of Cabernet and a deal on high quality socks.

So, that’s my plan. Truly.

[I completely get that I am overanalyzing every single bit of this procedure -- don't judge me -- overanalysis is my strong suit.]

But apparently, my DMV worker doesn’t quite know how to count to three.

Picture the scene: 

DMV Worker: Okay, I’m going to take your picture on the count of three. Ready?

Me: Yes. [Last quick check of hair, and teeth, and lack of "come hither" eyes]

DMV Worker: 1, 2,


DMV Worker: 3

Me: Huh?

And the result?

A freakin’ mugshot.

That I’m stuck with for the next three years.

Might as well have gone with the wanted poster.

{ 6 comments… add one }

  • Brook May 2, 2012, 12:11 pm

    Hahahaha! Yeah, I used to get all gussied up for my photo, then they changed everything. So, if you are in Iowa they make you remove your glasses and pose similar to Nick Nolte’s mug shot. I honestly tried to sneak in a small smirk and I had to do it over. Too smiley. WTH. So now I look like an angry mom. HA!
    Brook recently posted..The Soundtrack of My Life

  • idiosyncratic eye May 2, 2012, 12:32 pm

    Ah, passport style photos. The entertainment. When it’s not yours. ;)
    idiosyncratic eye recently posted..Weekly Photo Challenge: Together

  • Jackie May 2, 2012, 1:09 pm

    Here they ask if it’s ok and my guess is that if you say no they’ll retake it. I think that it always looks like crap though… same with my passport pic.
    Jackie recently posted..Lauren Nicole Gifts Giveaway

  • Anna May 2, 2012, 2:24 pm

    It is a very slim borderline between rational and irrational, and sometimes it is really hard to define where this line has to be. It always depends on the actual situation, I think.
    Anna recently posted..How do I feel about cosmetic dentistry?

  • Sarah May 2, 2012, 9:55 pm

    LOL. I used to have a good Driver’s License picture. Then I hit that ’5 year’ point or whatever it is the same year the state decided they’d go w/ the “no smiling allowed” pictures because it’s easier for facial recognition software or some such nonsense. Needless to say I look like a miserable escaped mental patient (the fact that they photos are EXCEPTIONALLY close up does not help) .
    Sarah recently posted..From Big to Tiny – In The Good Way?

  • Classic NYer May 4, 2012, 2:46 pm

    Next time you should go with the pornstar look. It’s hard to get caught off guard while flashing the bow-chicka-bow-wow eyes. ;-)
    Classic NYer recently posted..Poetry Corner Friday: Rain

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