I’ve learned a lot about my older child over the past 15 years.
And the biggest lesson I’ve learned is how to be more authentically myself.
He’s the master of it.
It’s like he came pre-programmed to be authentic and true to himself. I don’t know how else to explain it.
As a result, he’s not happy in his current school setting.
And it’s more than just a slightly cranky dislike of homework or a particular teacher.
He’s just not cut out for a conservative, suburban, mainstream public school setting.
I began to uncover this truth last summer, and more of it has become visible as the year has progressed. His grades are fine. He’s never in trouble.
But he’s also not inspired to learn. He’s not motivated by grades. He’s jumping through hoops with his eye only on graduation.
He needs something different.
At his enrollment conference in March, his advisor (bless her heart for really looking out for what’s best for each individual child) suggested to me that, while Thing One is a great asset to the school he’s currently attending, perhaps he might really thrive elsewhere.
And the school she suggested?
It’s the exact same one that crossed my path last summer when I was looking for alternative options for him.
So, we’ve investigated.
We have asked questions.
We have visited the school and asked even more questions.
I believe in my heart that this particular private school is where he needs to be.
But there’s tuition.
And every conceivable obstacle possible.
But somehow, some way, I have to find a way for him to go to this school.
It’s as important to his future as if he had a medical condition that needed treatment.
It’s as important to his future as nutritious food, a warm bed, and a loving mother.
It’s that important.
I don’t know.
And that’s where I’m struggling.
Sacrifices will have to be made.
We will find a way.
But I don’t know the particulars.
I don’t even know where to begin.
So, this is where faith comes in…
I don’t kneel in a church every Sunday.
But I do feel intense gratitude for the opportunity that’s been placed in our path, not just once, but twice. And I offer up my need, my child’s need, and trust that because if it is where he should be, it will find a way to become reality.
That’s how I’ll practice my faith.
Take each step as it comes.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
With a heart full of gratitude.
Breathe in. Breathe Out.