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The Courage to Love Again

Today I welcome to the Madness a blogger who captured my heart the first time I read her words…and has captured my mind countless times since: Kelly of Naked Girl in a Dress.

I’ve been toying with the idea of dating again. After the divorce. After the heartache of the Man Who Would be King. After countless dates with less-than-stellar potential.

Kelly speaks to that very seed in my soul today.



The heart quickens and there is a flutter in the stomach. It’s impossible to stop smiling all day. His name is mentioned and a flush will rise, betraying your feelings. Everything reminds you of him. You are deliriously happy.

You are in love.

By the time you reach your 40’s, you have experienced this at least once in your life. And with that comes heartbreak as well. Sometimes the painful end to a relationship is simply realizing that while you love this person, he will not be the right match for you long term. But there are also times the pain is caused by betrayal or abuse, making it more difficult to recover.

The loss of love will hurt.

Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves the space to heal from heartbreak. It can take many forms including jumping into the next relationship quickly to avoid grieving the loss or cutting our heart off from experiencing pain again. While both are not healthy, the latter is the most damaging. But at least jumping in too soon means you are allowing your heart to be exposed, to be open to the possibility of loving again.

Closing your heart forever denies you great joy. 

It is scary to be open to the possibility of loving again. Being in love means being vulnerable and can lead to great pain. But to deny yourself that opportunity is to also deny yourself of a special happiness that only comes from an intimate bond with another.

C.S. Lewis from the book The Four Loves says it best:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Take a risk.


Be vulnerable.


Find love again.


Enjoy it.


{ 3 comments… add one }

  • Pish Posh March 21, 2012, 3:02 pm

    I’m kind of in the middle of dealing with all this. It is way too soon to date again for me because my heart is a gaping wound and I still argue with the ex-partner-soon to be ex undefined whatever it is, every day. One of the problems between is his complete paranoia and suspicious nature (not based on anything I’ve done) – and I believe this is from his fear of being vulnerable and hurt.

    But can you ever find happiness without being vulnerable?

    Here is a great TED talk video on just that http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
    Pish Posh recently posted..Look Away! It’s Girly Pinterest Time

    • RChicken March 21, 2012, 4:42 pm

      I have seen that TED talk video by Brene Brown. Very inspiring! Thanks for coming by :)

  • Classic NYer March 23, 2012, 12:47 pm

    I’m not in my 40s, but I’ve been married twice, and I can totally relate.
    Classic NYer recently posted..Poetry Corner Friday: Even flowers cry

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