This morning, I was
trying desperately to stay awake deeply involved in a professional development meeting (to be fair, the presenter was awesome, but my computer was having issues, so my participation was severely limited), when my phone indicated that I had a new message.
Being one who
can’t ignore likes to stay on top of all electronic communication, I immediately slunk down in my seat while I checked my messages. You know how this goes…you check your email totally expecting it to be some kind of message from Kohl’s about a sale or an email from your mother, and instead…it turns out to be from someone completely unexpected.
This throws you for a complete and total loop and you just have to shake your head to snap out of it.
Oh? That doesn’t happen to you?
I looked down and saw that this message was from someone I met online and had coffee with last fall.
And at the time decided not to go out more than once.
We had a nice time.
He’s a nice guy and all, but a too recent divorce and a little bit of false bravado may have put me off a bit.
Recent events have me wondering if this isn’t the universe’s way of giving me a nudge.
Or a shove.
Or a kick in the ass.
You see, when I went out with my friends a couple of weekends ago, I had a killer time.
Even danced with a seriously hot man.
But afterward, I was left puzzling over why that hot man chose me.
And this puzzling, led to deep introspection about WHY I feel that way.
You see, I’m super confident in every single aspect of my life EXCEPT dating.
And I’ve been that way my whole entire life.
In sixth grade, I remember a boy asking me to be his girlfriend and instead of being excited, I was suspicious. Why did he want ME to be his girlfriend? Maybe it was a joke and when I said yes, they’d all dissolve into fits of laughter because he was kidding.
I remember feeling the same way in high school when it came time to go to the senior prom. A boy I liked asked me. I turned him down.
Because, again, I suspected that he might be less than serious about actually asking me.
This pattern shows up time and time again in my life. Never in regards to my career, my parenting skills, my finances…just in the potential for a date.
So, when a relatively safe man turns up in one’s email box days after having this revelation of romantic insecurity, is he there for a purpose?
Maybe to be a safe attempt at dating again.
He’s obviously interested.
There would be no immediate rejection.
I’m tempted to talk to him again. Even though I don’t think he’s quite what I’m looking for in the long run.
Maybe just for the practice?
Maybe it would be fun?
What do you think, RCM Readers? Counsel me here.